Rules for Tools: #5 – Control Thy Tongue Around Children Thou Didst Not Sire

And now it’s time for a segment we like to call Rules for Tools! We often witness people say or do things that make us think, “What a tool!” As judgmental as this may sound, we don’t mean it to be. We accept that we are just as often the culprits of douche baggery as we are the witnesses. We simply find it amusing to call attention to the more sinister examples. Please feel free to comment below and share what makes you feel this way.

Rule #5: Control Thy Tongue Around Children Thou Didst Not Sire

As with any group, there are many subsets of the Tool. These include, but are not limited to, the Jock Douche Bag, the White-Trash Tool, the Goombah Tool, and the North American White Wannabe Gangster Tool. For the casual observer their differences can quite subtle and there is often overlap. In later posts we may take the time to define and rank each group. For now we will define just one rule that applies mainly to the most common variation: the White-Trash Tool (WTT).

White Trash ToolWhile everyone, Tool or otherwise, will occasionally slip, the WTT is known to use vulgar language in front of other people’s children on a regular basis.

It is generally socially acceptable to curse while in the company of adults. Even if one doesn’t know all within earshot, it can be assumed that adults won’t take offense at some foul language, and if so, they have the choice to leave. However, children don’t always have that luxury. They are impressionable and prone to repeat heard phrases at the most inopportune times. Therefore, modern society has deemed it inappropriate to dispense profanities in the presence of minors; young children especially.

That being said, the WTT does not adhere to many of modern society’s mandates. They are known to lurk around family oriented public places effing and jeffing to their hearts content while children scurry about with ever open ears.

We are making no judgement on how one raises their own children. For all anyone cares one can go as far as to teach his offspring all the intricacies of human language; including the difference between a **** and a **** (use your imagination, this is a family blog). Teaching your kids vulgar terms simply makes you white-trash. It’s teaching these to other people’s kids that makes you a Tool.

Sorry Jerry. We had to call you out on this one:


2 thoughts on “Rules for Tools: #5 – Control Thy Tongue Around Children Thou Didst Not Sire

  1. First change “my” in the first paragraph to “may”…….it’s driving me nuts……. the list of subsets is a bit short…. I know, pompous, righteous, stiff-necked, affluent, homeless, po and other tools.

    What category would those both male and female who do nothing but strut around the gym doing no exercises whatever bit. Turkey Tools?

    • Thanks for the catching that typo.

      Yes, the list is quite lacking. I will have to start compiling a larger list for later posts.

      As far as the category you mentioned above, I will have to do some thinking on what group they fit into. They very well may be in a segment of their own.


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