Rules for Tools: #1 – Using “Tits” or “Cherry” to Describe Aesthetic Quality

And now it’s time for a segment that I like to call Rules for Tools! I often witness people say or do things that make me think, “What a tool!” As judgmental as this my sound, I don’t mean it to be. I accept that I am just as often the culprit of douche baggery as I am the witness. I simply think it’s fun to point it out sometimes. Please feel free to comment below and share what makes you feel this way.

Rule #1: Using “Tits” or “Cherry” to Describe Aesthetic Quality

I don’t run into this one nearly as much since moving to Seattle, but every once in a while I hear someone look at something, most often a car, and proclaim, “Man that ride is tits!” or “Wow, that is cherry!” Every time, I silently shake my head with disgust and think, “This guy is a complete tool.” Often, the culprit is a friend so I don’t verbalize my opinion. However, I was raised to call a spade a spade and I can’t help but see things for what they are.

I would like to know when and in what world these words became synonymous adjectives with perfection. I suppose that a very long time ago, when the Grand Master of all tools was coming of age and gaining awareness of the female anatomy, this thought crossed his mind; “I like boobs. Boobs are perfect.” A little light-bulb then lit up inside his head. “I am going to call anything that is really cool, Tits!” Pure genius. Coincidentally, this same Grand Master was the first person to propose fraternities at junior colleges.

I won’t go into my thoughts on how “cherry,” generally used to describe color, achieved its accolade in the tool vernacular.

So this is my first rule: Using “tits” or “cherry” to describe aesthetic quality makes you a complete tool. As with any rule, there is the occasional exception. If you are referring to the image on the right. Yes, those tits are cherry.

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7 thoughts on “Rules for Tools: #1 – Using “Tits” or “Cherry” to Describe Aesthetic Quality

  1. We used to make fun of a guy at Cal Closets who always used tits when he leveled a shelf or something. He is an older guy and kinda backwards. Like the people in Balckfoot that probably say it all the time.

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